JEGGINGS vs. leggings vs. pants

erin forwarded me an e-mail she received from topshop advertising this monstrosity they are calling JEGGINGS. (jeans + leggings = JEGGINGS) the following conversation took place soon after:

Erin: i just got a newsletter from topshop
advertising "jeggings"
guess what those are...

Melanie: oh god
jersey leggings?
jogging leggings

Erin: worse
so much worse
i'll send it to you
you can see
it's scary
i weep for our future

Melanie: good god
i went to topshop, you know

Erin: YOU DID
THAT'S RIGHT
how was it?

Melanie: eh
it was like the h+m divided section spread out over three floors
and twice as expensive

Erin: eww
but their stuff looks so cute on their site!
except the jeggings, obvs

((this little gem appears in my inbox:))



Melanie: well those are almost like cheap mondays
except i guess cheap mondays are more on the jeans side
ive seen the jeggings
on girls
they make me sad

Erin: have you EVER seen them look good?

Melanie: i think the worst part is that theyre actually called jeggings
but i think as long as your shirt is long enough
to cover the unavoidable camel toe and vpl
theyre no worse than regular leggings
or "reggings"

10 minutes pass, and the conversation goes in this horrifying direction:

Melanie: there is this woman who i see almost every time i go downtown
this woman is like 55
and she is ALWAYS wearing leggings and a short shirt
and has maje camel toe and um
she has a very muscular ass
and the leggings...the leggings hug it in such a way
that um really makes me die

Erin: because you want to touch it?
pat it ever so gently
while she clenches
butts are weird.

Melanie: dude butts ARE weird right?
her ass is so clenchy
i want to like cup it
but just the undercheeks

Erin: and tell her to relax a little
"lighten up!"

Melanie: i'm not even thinking that far ahead
i kind of want to just see what it feels like
probably like half a basketball

Erin: a ham

Melanie: one of those big ones with the bone in the middle
like a cartoon ham

Erin: bet that's what it smells like too
you could float on the smell like they do in the cartoons
and be drawn to her hambutt
heh heh- bone in the middle

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


I have said this time and time again. I WILL SHOUT IT FROM THE HIGHEST MOUNTAIN TOP.

LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS!!!!!!!

For the love of god, people?! If you're going to wear leggings, COVER UP YOUR FUCKING VAGINA. Is it really that hard??

Thank you,

Melanie Ann Berlin