Running Jamz

So, I've started running again. I do this from time to time. Every year, I go through a period of a few weeks where I'll go running 2-3 times a week, until I get lazy and go back to sitting on my ass, watching old episodes of Intervention, and eating fried butter and cheeseburger pizza. Erin gave me one of those Nike Plus doobobs that tells you how many miles you've gone and how many calories you've burned, and it's pretty neat and has been motivating me to push myself just a little bit harder every time.

The one thing that pumps me up the most while I'm running is blasting a playlist of sick-as-fuck dancey james in my ear. Here are some of my favorite hot traxx:

La Bionda - I Wanna Be Your Lover



The Damned - Neat Neat Neat



Adam And The Ants - Xerox



Alexander Robotnick - Problemes D'Amour



Kazino - Binary



Brian Eno - King's Lead Hat



Unrest - Makeout Club



Can - Turtles Have Short Legs



The Clean - Billy Two



Orange Juice - Blue Boy



Josef K - The Missionary



The Fall - Shoulder Pads



James White And The Blacks - Contort Yourself



Felt - Sunlight Bathed The Golden Glow




Wow, that was a lot of songs. Try 'em out yourself! RESULTS.

An Afternoon in Chinatown: A Photo Essay

I love SF's Chinatown. I love the weird-smelling alleys, the chorus of shrill electronic bird chirps you hear as you pass every gift shop, the delicious varieties of savory buns from the bakeries, the clothing stores for tiny people such as myself, the cheap and crappy fireworks, the wacked-out and awesome fashion sense of the old ladies, and the general loudness and constant bustle of it all. Recently Hellyn (my roomie and partner in funemployment) and I rode our bikes there and spent an afternoon rambling around and taking pictures.

Here are some of our highlights:



Right after you enter China Gate, there's a store that sells all these creepy green-tinted statues of little children. Over the years, I've been photographed/photographed others on this particular bench like 10 times. It never gets old.



I guess I don't really need to mention that what's interesting about this gorilla keychain is that the lil guy wacks off when you wind him up. Kind of reminds me of the time that I went to the Sacramento Zoo with an old boyfriend and we saw a tiny money jack his tiny monkey peen, ejaculate all over himself, and then eat it. Worth the price of admission!



"Never Silent-Always deadly." Exactly what I would expect out of a novelty item called "The Dr. Fart."



The aforementioned Hellyn in one of my favorite C-town alleys.



According to his 2005 obituary in the SF Chronicle, Mr. Wong was a 1940's basketball star who was "a man of small stature but large athletic talent." He stood only 5'5".



The WWWWW playground has a pretty awesome tire swing.



Heh.



The cover of Hellyn's positive hip hop album.



I can't imagine being able to anything but stabbing bitches' eyes out or maybe picking locks with these "nalls" chilling on your paws. The cosmic roses do add a touch of class, though.



Truly the most WTF t-shirt I've ever seen. Kinda kicking myself for not plunking down $5 for this. Rizzle Exizzle.



I like this doorway. That is all.



I loave dis countree!



One of my favorite places in Chinatown is Empress of China. The food is amazing but really pricy, so if you're a broke-ass like me, have a drink in the bar instead so you can sit by the window and check out the sweet view. Downstairs in the lobby, the walls are covered in faded pictures of celebrities who visited their fine establishment in the 70's. My fave is the very stylish Goldie Hawn and her amazing mustachioed companion. What if that was your dad?



I love pekingeses!!! My beloved childhood dog, Cheech, was one. I would have bought this if it didn't cost $5789354. Maybe I'll try to replicate it in MS Paint. Stay tuned.


Baby chicken neck cozies!! Only $5!!!

After 3 hours of wandering, we pedaled home. Chinatown afternoon was really fun, so we decided that we're going to venture to a different neighborhood every couple of weeks to meander around and take pictures and eat weird foods. Kinda sad that my funemployment is going to end in a couple of months when I go back to school and my life goes back to being bonkers busy all the time. I am savoring these lazy days - they're numbered.

The Little Wizard Hour Flies Again

YES. After a year of silence, my music show The Little Wizard Hour is back! You can listen to it in the embedded player below, or subscribe here. I'll also be looking for guests to play tunes and shoot the shit with me, so let me know if you wanna be on the show.

HOORAY.

Episode 1

melanie berlin's Podcast

HAPPY HALLOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNN

Myspace Glitter Graphics

Tunes of Spookies Past

Hey dudes! If the former WestAdd Radio was still around, you know you guys would have been graced with my annual SPOOKY TUNES episode, but unfortch SF's best pirate/internet radio station is no longer. Thankfully the archives are still up, so you can listen to Spooky Tunes 2005-2008. You know, to get into the Halloween mood and shit.


2005 - with special guest Brooke Macbeth!!



2006, solo spooky



2007, with Special Guest Nako Spookyzume



2008, with Special Guest Erin Fant! This was also the night that Patty channeled a ghost that we brought back from a Santa Cruz ouija session into my phone, resulting in my house catching on fire that very night. Click here to hear the whole story, recapped two months later.

Darq Jamz Zwei

Hi Guys!

Halloween is only 2 1/2 weeks away and I still haven't decided on a costume. Hellyn and I were talking about being Chicken McNuggets, but we decided it might be too unwieldy. I was also thinking of going as going as Charro this year, but that could end up being expensive since I would need to fork over for a glamorous wig and sequined dress. Plus it would hurt having to push my boobs up high enough to make them look as huge as hers. I'll probably just end up doing the same thing I've done every year, which is to just go to Thrift Town and grab some shit off the racks and put a bunch of ugly makeup on my face.

Like this:



Someone save me! Leave me costume suggestions in the comments section below, unless wanna see me dressed up as a crackhead fairy AGAIN.

Anyway, here are 5 more darq jamz to get you guys in the mood for Halloween!

1. Liasons Dangereuses - Los Ninos Del Parque



2. The Fall - There's A Ghost In My House



3. Section 25 - Haunted



4. Suicide - Ghost Rider



5. A Certain Ratio - All Night Party

Gems From My Record Collection

I have stacks and stacks and stacks of records. I also have a lot of time on my hands, due to being unemployed for the last 2 months. Both of these things are good and bad. Obviously I love having a ton of records because I'm a giant nerd, but it can get very annoying because they're a bitch to lug around and it's hard to find the specific one that you want because the writing on the spines is so damn tiny. Having infinite free time is awesome because it makes all time "chill time," but honestly there are some afternoons when I realize that I have absolutely nothing to do, which can be unsettling because I'm used to being retartedly busy all the time.

One afternoon these two things came to a head. I was bored and unable to locate a certain Cocteau Twins record so I started the task of alphabetizing my records, something that I hadn't done in years. It took me a total of 7 hours spread out over two days. While separating them into different piles, I came across some kinda hilarious gems that I had totally forgotten were hiding in my collection. I'm not even sure where most of them came from...I guess years and years of dollar bins, thrift stores and yard sales. Below are some of my favorites.



The Cripples - What's In A Name

I couldn't find anything about these dudes online. This record sounds like pretty standard early 80's Jersey bar rock, but the cover is pretty amazing. I used to have this taped to my wall many, many years ago.



??? - ???

I forget the name of this band, so I'm just going to call them "The Gheyz." Actually, I think their name is Anderson and Something. (Anderson and Cooper??) I love their snappy little outfits and the fact that they have the same pink Casio boombox I had in 4th grade! And their enthusiasm!!!

Here's the back:



Ok, Googling "Give Me A Homosexual" yielded this. These Gheyz are actually called Romanovsky and Phillips. Please click where I say. The lyrics are amazing.

"I like my lovers as queer as can be
Give me a homosexual
Who loves in a homoemotional way"

And speaking of homosexuals:



Gay Men - I'm A Man Who Needs A Man

This song is apparently an italo disco classic. It's actually really, really catchy and has probably my favorite chorus of all time.

"I'm a man who neeeeds a man! I'm a GAY MAN!! I'm a GAY MAANNN!"

You'll just have to imagine it though, because I could only find the instrumental version on Youtube. :(








John Dote - Gypsy Jane

Wow! Apparently John Dote now a well-known Las Vegas radio DJ, but back in 198?, he released "Gypsy Jane" and dressed like an arctic wrestler/pimp. This song is also surprisingly good, but you'll just have to imagine what it could possibly sound like by looking at the above pictures.

Actually, it kind of sounds like this, but naughtier:





Man To Man - Who Knows What Evil?

Further proving that Eurobeat is the gayest music ever invented.





Ornamental - No Pain

I have no idea what this is. I think I lost the actual record that goes inside this sleeve like yeaaarrss ago. I would imagine this sounds something like a really gay version of Gene Loves Jezebel with a dash of Dead Or Alive thrown in for good measure.



Predator- Easy Prey

YES!! This is definitely my favorite of everything here. This shit was actually released on Metal Blade, home of such illustrious acts as Gwar, King Diamond and Cannibal Corpse. It sounds like pretty standard speed metal with a butt rock twist. Awesome.



Sample lyrics from the titular song:

"I'm out on the loose and I'm looking for a woman to take
On big city street in the dark gloomy shadows I wait
Then I see her a fine looking bitch with her pants oh so tight
I've just got to grab her and have her and taste her tonight"



Tom Wilson - The Gay Name Game

Remember the part from the Beavis and Butthead movie when Mr. Van Driessen sings "Lesbian Seagull" and the feds break down his door and trample him while he's playing? No? Oh, here.



Well, it's actually a real song featured on the above record. According to Wikipedia:

The song was written by Tom Wilson Weinberg and originally appeared on his 1979 album The Gay Name Game. Weinberg wrote "Lesbian Seagull" in response to a government {which government?} study of long term monogamous lesbian behavior in seagulls.

The song was also covered by Englebert Humperdink for the B+B Do America Soundtrack, and the record itself was featured on an edition of "Dave's Record Collection" on Letterman.

Woah, I wonder if this record is worth anything. Um, anyone wanna buy my copy? Make me an offer. ($99.95 reserve)