I Just Can't Take You Seriously If...

You own a Zune.
You consider yourself a "real Disney enthusiast"
You are a man wearing lip gloss.
You have a monroe or a labret piercing. Or plugs.
You refer to your sunglasses as your "stunnaz"
You post pictures of lolcats on Facebook.
You are over 30 and have your hair dyed a "funky" color.
You own Phish bootlegs.
You insist on always using chopsticks for eating azn food, even at Panda Express.
You think it's really cool to talk really loudly in public about how many drugs you do.
You are a man who flatirons his hair.
You are a man who wears deep V's or jeggings.

You're wearing any of the following:
A mock turtleneck.
"Sports sandals"
Cropped pants with beads and shit hanging off the bottom.
Jeans so low-cut your ass crack or thong is hanging out.
An ironic trucker cap or moustache. (COME ON, it's fucking 2011)
Those stupid Kanye West glasses.
A fedora.
One of those stupid tiny "fascinator" hats.
Uggs.

You refer to boobs as "funbags"
You call your vagina a "vajayjay"
You obsessively post pictures of your food on the internet.
Your fingernails extend more than a quarter inch past your fingertip.
You're obsessed with Lady Gaga.
You don't like Prince or the Beatles.
A Ke$ha song comes on the radio and you're like "YEAH this my JAM!"
You have ever considered going to clown college.
You have ever said the phrase "dancefloor debauchery" in earnest.