ASSDRAFT: Snuggies Review

So after making such a fuss over Snuggies, I finally got the opportunity to test snug one this past Saturday night. I'm sorry to report that I was kind of disappointed. I mean, the novelty factor is pretty high and obviously the sight of myself and Xavier and Maya in our Snuggies created a total LOLfest, but when that wore off we sobered up to the fact that they're kind of not that amazing. First of all, the blanket itself is made of very thin material so it's not as cozy as a normal blanket. The sleeves are kind of huge and awkward, and the Snuggie itself is too long and sort of unweildy, making it kind of hard to do much that involves walking or moving more than 2 inches off the couch. Even eating in them proved to be a difficult task. It's hard to do so without dipping the sleeves in your food, and of course the sheer size of the thing makes it a great target for stray drops of melted ice cream or globs of gravy. One of the biggest problems however, is that it doesn't close in the back, leaving your entire backside feeling pretty damned drafty. I did eventually end up cinching it closed with a scarf, which helped a little, but when I actually tried walking around in the thing I kept tripping on it and a good six inches of Snuggie scraped along the floor as I walked, collecting dirt.

But if you do actually plunk down the $40 for of them (the extra $20 on top of the 2 for $19.95 offer is for shipping and tax), here are a few things that you can do in your new Snuggies without much problem:

1. Use your remote:



2. Use your remote while your friend reads a magazine:




3. Stare off into space while holding a glass of wine:




4. Look at a magazine, hold a mimosa and stand in a way that kind of freaks Melanie out (multitasking!):



5. Try to look sultry, fail.



6. Admire your Christmas Turd:




7. Go about your presidential duties blinging yet supercomfs:



8. Drive vegetarians to violence by impersonating a giant swaddled ham:



9. Get fired for looking like the laziest slob in the office:




10. Die slowly: