JEGGINGS vs. leggings vs. pants

erin forwarded me an e-mail she received from topshop advertising this monstrosity they are calling JEGGINGS. (jeans + leggings = JEGGINGS) the following conversation took place soon after:

Erin: i just got a newsletter from topshop
advertising "jeggings"
guess what those are...

Melanie: oh god
jersey leggings?
jogging leggings

Erin: worse
so much worse
i'll send it to you
you can see
it's scary
i weep for our future

Melanie: good god
i went to topshop, you know

Erin: YOU DID
THAT'S RIGHT
how was it?

Melanie: eh
it was like the h+m divided section spread out over three floors
and twice as expensive

Erin: eww
but their stuff looks so cute on their site!
except the jeggings, obvs

((this little gem appears in my inbox:))



Melanie: well those are almost like cheap mondays
except i guess cheap mondays are more on the jeans side
ive seen the jeggings
on girls
they make me sad

Erin: have you EVER seen them look good?

Melanie: i think the worst part is that theyre actually called jeggings
but i think as long as your shirt is long enough
to cover the unavoidable camel toe and vpl
theyre no worse than regular leggings
or "reggings"

10 minutes pass, and the conversation goes in this horrifying direction:

Melanie: there is this woman who i see almost every time i go downtown
this woman is like 55
and she is ALWAYS wearing leggings and a short shirt
and has maje camel toe and um
she has a very muscular ass
and the leggings...the leggings hug it in such a way
that um really makes me die

Erin: because you want to touch it?
pat it ever so gently
while she clenches
butts are weird.

Melanie: dude butts ARE weird right?
her ass is so clenchy
i want to like cup it
but just the undercheeks

Erin: and tell her to relax a little
"lighten up!"

Melanie: i'm not even thinking that far ahead
i kind of want to just see what it feels like
probably like half a basketball

Erin: a ham

Melanie: one of those big ones with the bone in the middle
like a cartoon ham

Erin: bet that's what it smells like too
you could float on the smell like they do in the cartoons
and be drawn to her hambutt
heh heh- bone in the middle

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


I have said this time and time again. I WILL SHOUT IT FROM THE HIGHEST MOUNTAIN TOP.

LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS!!!!!!!

For the love of god, people?! If you're going to wear leggings, COVER UP YOUR FUCKING VAGINA. Is it really that hard??

Thank you,

Melanie Ann Berlin

oh. my. god.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/paulscheer/sets/72157617373340442/with/3478337725/

Best Text Message Ever

Sarah Grant:

Oh my fucking god mel I wish u were here right now. I'm watching this bitch in spandex sing about fingerblasting. So thinking of u right now.

Subject: Hi Pretty.......

Hello Melanie Ann Berlin.
You are such a beautiful woman with a great unique personality.
I like your picture so much that i had to look at it over and over again before i could write a word to you.
I sincerely would like to know you better pretty.
I hope you will respond to my message.
Michael.

This is my current MySpace profile picture:

Spring Mix 09!

I made the below compilation for last night's Mixing People Is Meeting People, but unfortunately the only other people who made mixes were Jessica, Michael, and this dude who used to write Jessica and I on myspace about pop music. I made extra copies for Jessica and Michael, if you want one too let me know and we can exchange!

Also, is there a way for me to post the music files online??? Does anyone know? Can you teach me?



Oh um, I guess you need to click on the above snapshot to make it big enough to read. Ok.

Scarlett Beavis

Discuss.

my new house-uh

I've had this song stuck in my head all day:



Because yes, I am moving into a new house in 2 weeks! As you may or may not know, a fire rendered my beloved mission apartment unliveable last fall, so I've been living in the Sunset/Parkside for the past few months. Sure, there have been advantages: my rent is ridiculously cheap and my roomates are all great, and living above an oriental "massage parlor" (yes, one of those ones) has definitely been entertaining. But living so far outside of the rest of the city has started to get to me. Cabs won't pick you up and half the time they won't take you home, and when they do it costs $15-20. I only have one window in my tiny bedroom, so I get pretty much no outside light. Having to turn the lights on at 2:30 on a sunny afternoon is kind of depressing, plus I never know what the weather is like until I leave the house.

Anyhoo, enough complaining! Let me tell you about my new house.



This is it, perched atop a hill in the Potrero District. This really isn't the best picture but trust me the outside looks hella cute, and there's even a tiny yard! Patty and I are calling it The House of Dreams because it is seriously amazing.

The view from our living room window:



You can see the ocean! And the Bay Bridge! And all of downtown! Imagine what this shit is going to look like at night! I will not even be able to handle it.

I would be satisfied living in any house with this view, but it gets better. The bathroom is totally redone all weirdy Euro-style, so we have this crazy tiled shower and a pink toilet and a PINK BIDET! Seriously, I wish I had pictures of it but I had to steal these off the Craigslist ad. As soon as we can get in there again, I will take better pics and post them.

The kitchen is all new and remodeled too.



The rooms are all totally spacious with giant walk-in closets and big windows with awesome viewz:



But wait, there's more! Beyond the huge brand-new kitchen there is a balcony, which overlooks an enchanted garden. Unfortch the garden and back yard belong to the downstairs neighbors but maybe if we become friends with them they'll let us hang out and veg in our robes among the flowers and shit. If not, we could always just drink coffee on the balcony and gaze out over the city. Also, check this out: the apartment complex behind our house has a pool. Surely we can figure out some way to break in, right? You can kinda see it in the below picture, which I swiped from Google Maps "Terrain View"



Oh yeah, and um there is laundry downstairs? Someone pinch me.

So how did this ridiculous new apartment fall into our laps, you ask? Patty found it on Craigslist two days ago, we were shown the apartment by a very um...colorful friend of the owner that same night, and last night the deal was sealed with said owner. Easy peasy. If only everything else in life were that simple.

So anyway uh...who wants to help me move?!?!?!

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!!!!!

Ok, I was able to get in there last night and take some better pictures.

This is what the outside looks like now. I was having a hard time finding it on Street View because I forgot the owner painted it green.



Here is the aforementioned pink bidet. It matches the toilet and the bathtub.



Here's a better picture of the kitchen. Totally has a dishwasher. I'm in Heaven.



Here is what I will be seeing every evening as I look out my bedroom window:



The living room is huge and also features a sweet view:



Also, we have found two roommates to round out our little household. Baldur and Jimmy! Come hang out and meet them. Our house will rule, trust.