HAPPY HALLOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNN

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Tunes of Spookies Past

Hey dudes! If the former WestAdd Radio was still around, you know you guys would have been graced with my annual SPOOKY TUNES episode, but unfortch SF's best pirate/internet radio station is no longer. Thankfully the archives are still up, so you can listen to Spooky Tunes 2005-2008. You know, to get into the Halloween mood and shit.


2005 - with special guest Brooke Macbeth!!



2006, solo spooky



2007, with Special Guest Nako Spookyzume



2008, with Special Guest Erin Fant! This was also the night that Patty channeled a ghost that we brought back from a Santa Cruz ouija session into my phone, resulting in my house catching on fire that very night. Click here to hear the whole story, recapped two months later.

Darq Jamz Zwei

Hi Guys!

Halloween is only 2 1/2 weeks away and I still haven't decided on a costume. Hellyn and I were talking about being Chicken McNuggets, but we decided it might be too unwieldy. I was also thinking of going as going as Charro this year, but that could end up being expensive since I would need to fork over for a glamorous wig and sequined dress. Plus it would hurt having to push my boobs up high enough to make them look as huge as hers. I'll probably just end up doing the same thing I've done every year, which is to just go to Thrift Town and grab some shit off the racks and put a bunch of ugly makeup on my face.

Like this:



Someone save me! Leave me costume suggestions in the comments section below, unless wanna see me dressed up as a crackhead fairy AGAIN.

Anyway, here are 5 more darq jamz to get you guys in the mood for Halloween!

1. Liasons Dangereuses - Los Ninos Del Parque



2. The Fall - There's A Ghost In My House



3. Section 25 - Haunted



4. Suicide - Ghost Rider



5. A Certain Ratio - All Night Party

Gems From My Record Collection

I have stacks and stacks and stacks of records. I also have a lot of time on my hands, due to being unemployed for the last 2 months. Both of these things are good and bad. Obviously I love having a ton of records because I'm a giant nerd, but it can get very annoying because they're a bitch to lug around and it's hard to find the specific one that you want because the writing on the spines is so damn tiny. Having infinite free time is awesome because it makes all time "chill time," but honestly there are some afternoons when I realize that I have absolutely nothing to do, which can be unsettling because I'm used to being retartedly busy all the time.

One afternoon these two things came to a head. I was bored and unable to locate a certain Cocteau Twins record so I started the task of alphabetizing my records, something that I hadn't done in years. It took me a total of 7 hours spread out over two days. While separating them into different piles, I came across some kinda hilarious gems that I had totally forgotten were hiding in my collection. I'm not even sure where most of them came from...I guess years and years of dollar bins, thrift stores and yard sales. Below are some of my favorites.



The Cripples - What's In A Name

I couldn't find anything about these dudes online. This record sounds like pretty standard early 80's Jersey bar rock, but the cover is pretty amazing. I used to have this taped to my wall many, many years ago.



??? - ???

I forget the name of this band, so I'm just going to call them "The Gheyz." Actually, I think their name is Anderson and Something. (Anderson and Cooper??) I love their snappy little outfits and the fact that they have the same pink Casio boombox I had in 4th grade! And their enthusiasm!!!

Here's the back:



Ok, Googling "Give Me A Homosexual" yielded this. These Gheyz are actually called Romanovsky and Phillips. Please click where I say. The lyrics are amazing.

"I like my lovers as queer as can be
Give me a homosexual
Who loves in a homoemotional way"

And speaking of homosexuals:



Gay Men - I'm A Man Who Needs A Man

This song is apparently an italo disco classic. It's actually really, really catchy and has probably my favorite chorus of all time.

"I'm a man who neeeeds a man! I'm a GAY MAN!! I'm a GAY MAANNN!"

You'll just have to imagine it though, because I could only find the instrumental version on Youtube. :(








John Dote - Gypsy Jane

Wow! Apparently John Dote now a well-known Las Vegas radio DJ, but back in 198?, he released "Gypsy Jane" and dressed like an arctic wrestler/pimp. This song is also surprisingly good, but you'll just have to imagine what it could possibly sound like by looking at the above pictures.

Actually, it kind of sounds like this, but naughtier:





Man To Man - Who Knows What Evil?

Further proving that Eurobeat is the gayest music ever invented.





Ornamental - No Pain

I have no idea what this is. I think I lost the actual record that goes inside this sleeve like yeaaarrss ago. I would imagine this sounds something like a really gay version of Gene Loves Jezebel with a dash of Dead Or Alive thrown in for good measure.



Predator- Easy Prey

YES!! This is definitely my favorite of everything here. This shit was actually released on Metal Blade, home of such illustrious acts as Gwar, King Diamond and Cannibal Corpse. It sounds like pretty standard speed metal with a butt rock twist. Awesome.



Sample lyrics from the titular song:

"I'm out on the loose and I'm looking for a woman to take
On big city street in the dark gloomy shadows I wait
Then I see her a fine looking bitch with her pants oh so tight
I've just got to grab her and have her and taste her tonight"



Tom Wilson - The Gay Name Game

Remember the part from the Beavis and Butthead movie when Mr. Van Driessen sings "Lesbian Seagull" and the feds break down his door and trample him while he's playing? No? Oh, here.



Well, it's actually a real song featured on the above record. According to Wikipedia:

The song was written by Tom Wilson Weinberg and originally appeared on his 1979 album The Gay Name Game. Weinberg wrote "Lesbian Seagull" in response to a government {which government?} study of long term monogamous lesbian behavior in seagulls.

The song was also covered by Englebert Humperdink for the B+B Do America Soundtrack, and the record itself was featured on an edition of "Dave's Record Collection" on Letterman.

Woah, I wonder if this record is worth anything. Um, anyone wanna buy my copy? Make me an offer. ($99.95 reserve)

DARK JAMS

Dudes! I'm sorry I've been so fucking bad with my blog all damn month! I have no excuse other than utter laziness.

To make up for it, I'll be posting way more in October. And in honor of my second favorite holiday HALLOWEEEEEENNNN, all the dope jams I'll be posting this month will be of the darq and g0thique variety.

See you fags at Death Guild! jk (nr)

1. Cocteau Twins - Hazel



2. Bauhaus - In Fear Of Fear



3. Christian Death - Spiritual Cramp



4. Throbbing Gristle - United



5. My Bloody Valentine - Cigarette In Your Bed (THIS IS MY FAVORITE SONG YOU GUYZ!!!)



Your Friend In Darkness,

Melanie A Berlin



p.s.

HEWLY CRAPE

Ok. So this was published back in 2005 BUT WHY HAVE I NEVER HEARD ABOUT THIS UNTIL NOW?


CLICK HERE TO READ ABOUT THE DAD FROM ALF SMOKING CRACK AND PAYING HOMELESS DUDES FOR SEX

Seriously, I hope Mr. Tanner ended up getting it together after this was published. For Alf's sake.

A few things that rule

...in which I list things that I think rule.

Simple enough? My brain is kinda sludgy today, guys. Long weekend of many drinks and lots of dancefloor bruises.

1. "Night of the Hunter" starring Robert Mitchum and Shelly Winters.

First off, I love Shelley Winters. She always seemed to get typecast in the dingiest roles, but she played them so well. Ok maybe I'm only basing this on her roles in NOTH and Lolita (my fave movie of all time {the orginal Kubrick version, not the creepy Jeremy Irons Showtime version from the 90's, obvs}), so maybe she's played smarter characters. I don't know. I'M TIRED. Actually, come to think of it...in both NOTH and Lolita, she gets murdered by her husband who married her with alterior motives! Well, at least in Lolita he was going to murder her but she conveniently got hit by a car. Wait, actually also in "A Place in the Sun," she gets thrown out of a canoe by her husband, who is in love with Elizabeth Taylor but is blackmailed into marrying her! Poor Shelley!

Um anyway, I digress. Night of the Hunter is truly one of the creepiest movies I've ever seen. I started typing out the plot but I got lazy, so go here to read it. I'll just say that Robert Mitchum in this movie gives me nightmarez. It's the cold look in his eyes, his sinister, deep voice, and his LOVE/HATE knuckle tattoos.





The beginning part of the river boat scene (from 0:00 until 1:34 here) is my favorite scene from a movie ever. So dreeeeeeaaaammmyyyyy.



Creepy!



2. Count Chocula



Cereal perfection. Chocolatey oats and marshmallows and shit, and delicious sweet brown milk to drink when the CC is gone. Thank you, General Mills.



Fun fact from Wikipedia about Count Chocula's fruity cousin, Franken Berry:

Health concerns

Franken Berry was very popular when first introduced, even though the initial batches of the cereal used a dye that didn't break down in the body, causing many children's feces to be bright pink, a symptom sometimes referred to as "Frankenberry Stool."[4]

!!!!!!

3. Cold Cave

New favorite band alert!!!! Saw these dudes at the Knockout last night and they were rad. Kinda Fad Gadgety/early New Ordery.



Kinda funny how this song is like Ian Curtis fronting mid-80's New Order. The vocal melody is lifted straight from Your Silent Face!



Whatever, it's still a jam.

4. Young Bernard Sumner

Speaking of New Order, young Barney is probably my ultimate fantasy crush of all time.

So cute, so dark.




Looking at this picture makes me hear Werner Herzog's voice in my head saying "Bernard, stop your moody brooding." Did you see Julien Donkey Boy? That movie is truly shitty but there are so many amazing Herzog one-liners.

5. Werner Herzog in Julien Donkey Boy

Well, honestly Werner Herzog in general, but I just wanted to post these:








That's all I got today, folks. Send me blog topic requests! If they are good I will blog about them!!!!!!


Love,

Melanie A Berlin